A Life of Grace

I’m finally having another spare moment to sit down and put some more pictures up and thoughts down from our trip to La Push last weekend. We’ve been mulling over getting another vehicle for a long time now and after lots of shopping and test driving, settled on a 2003 Volkswagon Camper Van. It has one of those pop top tent things on top and sleeps our little brood quite well. 

As a kid our family used to camp at the beach a lot. As we grew and our lives took us in so many directions, those family trips (with lots of friends) took a backseat to whatever other adventures we were all up to. It was wonderful to get together with so many of those old friends as well as three of my sisters and their families at the beach. Now I’m feeling like I need a nap, so I’ll leave the rest of my thoughts dangling and give you some pictures.

We just got back from a weekend at the beach with friends and family and are still washing the soot and sand away, but I thought I’d post a few beautiful photos that Pat took there until I have time to come back for a real post. He’s gone up a huge hike with a bunch of the guys which turned out to be more treacherous and breathtaking than I think any of them had anticipated. We had a wonderful trip and got to use our new Euro-Camper van for the first time.

This time around (in the first birthday world) we’re opted for a low impact, low bother and hassle celebration: no real party, a present or two, and a trip to the beach with friends and family (that would be happening with or without a birthday anyway.)

To me, in the end, all that matters are the pictures. So, I took as many as I could on Theo’s one year birthday and here are some highlights. I feel the need to slap down a bunch of random memories and details as they stand in my mind right now, so bear with me and don’t feel bad for skipping down to the pictures.

It’s hard to really step back and contemplate this milestone and truly grasp my perceptions of him as a person so far, let alone my take on motherhood the second time around. He’s wonderful. He’s human. And so it is, in the end, with all relationships with all other people. I’ve learned to love him, I’ve gotten to know him, and I’ve grown as a person in the process. I’ve also grown as a mother, but my decisions are still second guessed and, at best, fraught with mistakes.

Theo is an entirely different child than his brother, and with that have come the inevitable comparisons. All those aside, I’ve enjoyed his unsinkable spirit and cheerful countenance so much. His brother would still prefer to be an only child and hasn’t missed a day of ridiculous, heartbreaking (for me) aggression towards him, but Theo bounces back under it all and maintains his loving little nature in spite of the slapping, pinching, hitting, and overall squishing and squelching that his brother dishes out. Seriously, Titus has been the hardest part about having a second child. Makes me a little scared to try for another again.

The biggest, most difficult issue with babies in my experience is sleep, and we’ve weathered substantially less trouble, and yet still more than I’d have cared for, with Theo. Moving in April, just as he was getting the swing of things, caused irreparable damage to his little routine and I’ve felt like I’ve been doing repairs ever since. This past month, though, things have settled down and I’m feeling that old familiar joy in the mornings when I go to pick up a baby I haven’t seen through the night. In the thick of it, it never seems like these days will come back (the days of solid, rested nights), and then they do.

Oddly to me, he’s pretty much weaned himself and prefers holding a bottle while watching his brother play to cuddling up to nurse. Maybe he just knows he has to keep his eye out for the next attack from Titus, but he makes up for it by wanting to cuddle with me just for the heck of it, without milk to make it more interesting. My biggest lesson this time around as a mom has been to guard my own sanity with all my might, perhaps running the risk of doing so at the cost of Theo’s needs, but maybe not. Honestly though, I feel more guilt free and at peace with who I am as a mother right now than I ever have.

So, here’s to redundant and frivolous dates nights, crying babies, “early” weaning, and more cuddles and peace than I could have hoped for or expected from this little, gentle, soft toy loving fellow.

Theo last week, Titus last year.

“Audience sits in rapt attention.”  Yes, they do.

The Tacoma Round just keeps plotting out amazing and fresh line-ups and pulling off fantastic events that suck me in and offer a combined audio/visual feast unlike so many other shows around town. #3 was no exception featuring Pablo Trucker, Phil O’Sullivan, John Van Deusen, Nick Butler, and Josh Rizeberg and held in the vacant space next to Urban X-Change in downtown. Acts of God and man conspired to make this Round have to re-locate about 80 times from it’s intended space, but all was well and I guess there were just enough devoted folks around town willing to follow the convoluted trail (thanks to you, Kenny, for the furious texting) to the little spot of gold at the end.